User blog:OrigamiDragons/The Story of the Moral

I started writing this while typing up a new profile page, and decided it was waywaywaywayway too long, so I posted it here instead. It is the story of the reason I always end my stories with 'The moral of this story is to look both ways before you cross the street.' However, the story of how I came to do this is even longer than this whole blog post, which doesn't make sense, because it is part of the blog post. But if you really, really want to hear it, sure, go ahead.

The first time I heard it, it was in a joke, told by my friend in third or fourth grade grade to a class who had been told, "Let's all tell some jokes while the cupcakes are passed out." It was during a school birthday party and we were already hyper just from the notion of sugar. My friend, who is a great actor himself (kinda) told this story while everyone's cupcakes were passed out, devoured, and everyone got thouroughly sick of it. (Both cupcakes and joke.) That's how long it took.

Once apon a time there was a five year old kid named Fred. One day Fred was in school when his teacher asked him a question. It was a math question; "What is three plus four?"

Fred wasn't really paying attention. He was drawing a dinosaur in his notebook. He looked up, tried to remember what they were talking about, and said..."six?"

His teacher smiled a thin lipped smile. "no Fred," she said. "The answer is seven."

Fred was very angry at himself. all the other kids were laughing at him. Before he could think, he said "Purple Monkeys!" under his breath.

The teacher gasped. the room went silent. Shakily, the teacher said, "What did you say to me, Fred?"

Fred knew he was in trouble. "P-purple m-monkeys," he said.

"Get out!" His teacher shrieked, in a fit of rage. "Go to the principal's office this instant and don't come back until you've thought about what you've done!!!"

Fred was shocked and raced down the hall to the principal's office. He entered to find the principal sitting at his desk. He looked up. "What brings you here, young man?" he asked.

Fred looked at his shoes. "well... I was in class, and my teacher asked me a question, and I kind of wasn't paying attention, so I answered it wrong, and everyone wa laughing, so I got really mad and said a bad word, and... she sent me down here."

'Hmm," the principal said, tapping his desk with a pencil. "That doesn't sound too bad. What bad word did you say?"

Fred hesitated. "P-purple monkeys," he said.

The principal froze. His face turned red. He bellowed, "WHAT?!!? WHAT??! YOUNG MAN, WHAT A DISGRACE TO OUR SCHOOL! YOU ARE EXPELLED! THINK OF SAYING A THING LIKE THAT! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!!!!!"

Fred was completely surprised and horrified by this. He ran out of the principal's office, out the front steps of the school, and walked slowly all the way home.

His mother was in the kitchen, cooking spaghetti. She was very surprised to see her son home so early. "Why, son," she said. "I am very surprised to see you home so early. Why on Earth aren't you in school?"

Fred sighed. "Well, I was in class, and my teacher asked me a really easy question, and I wasn't really paying attention, so I answered it wrong, and everyone was laughing, so I said a bad word, and the teacher got really mad, and sent me to the principal's office, and the principal expelled me, and I went home, and now I'm here."

His mother was very concerned. "Why, what were those people thinking? Expelling you for that! Let's go over there right now and see if we can talk to the principal about it." His mother went to the door and got her coat. "Oh, by the way," she said, "What bad word did you say?"

Fred stopped. "It was um.. uh..puple monkeys."

His mother froze. Her coat dropped to the floor in a pile. She turned, white faced. '"What???" 'She rasped.

Fred was nervous. "Uh...purple monkeys."

His mother crossed the room and smacked him across the face. "You horrible child! What a terrible, horrible evil, disrespectful thing to say!! In fact, I'm disowning you! You are no longer my son. Get out of this house, right now! GO!"

Fred shrieked and rushed past her out the door. He didn't stop running until he was blocks away.

Fred sadly wandered the empty streets. It was cold. He shivered and wandered until he came to a policeman. The policeman was a round, jolly sort of fellow. His cheeks were red. Fred wandered up to him.

The policeman turned in surprise. "Hello," he said. 'Why aren't you in school, little boy?" he asked Fred.

Fred stared sadly at him. he sighed. "Well." he said, then stopped. "Um." The policeman stared at him. "I was in school, and the teacher asked me a really easy question, and I wasn't paying attention, so I answered it wrong, and everyone was laughing and I felt really embarassed, and then I said a bad word, and the teacher got really angry and sent me to the principal's office, and the principal expelled me, and I went home and my mother disowned me, and I was wandering around, and now I'm here."

The policeman frowned. "Oh dear," he said. "That seems a little unfair. Let's take you back home and see what can be done about it." The policeman and Fred started to walk back to his house.

When they were about halfway back, the policeman asked, "Hey, kid...what bad word did you say?"

Fred sighed. "If its all the same to you, sir, I'd rather not say it again."

The policeman said sternly, "Come on, kid. I need to know. It can't be that bad, can it?"

Fred stared at him helplessly. "It was...Purple monkeys."

The policeman stopped. His eyes bulged. "WHAT WAS THAT????" he asked.

Fred stepped back, frightened. "Please sir...I...please..."

'"DID YOU SAY PURPLE MONKEYS?!!?? HEY EVERYONE! THIS KID JUST SAID PURPLE MONKEYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" '

Everyone in their houses suddenly poured out the doors, screaming and waving pitchforks and torches. The policeman screamed, "GET OUT OF THIS TOWN, KID! WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE!! YAAHHH!!"

Fred screamed and ran, chased by the mob, all the way through the city and into the desert surrounding it. Only when he was miles away did they leave him, to die of thirst.

Fred crawled slowly through the howling wind and cold sand. He crawled for two weeks until he could barely move his fingers. He finally reached a road going into the next town. There he collapsed.

A man drove up in a truck. he got out and lifted Fred into his car. "Hey! wake up!" he shouted. He slapped Fred on the cheeks. Fred opened one eye. "Whussacghbluhh..." he said.

The man stopped. "What?" he said.

"Whazzah!"

"What?"

"Water!"

The man gave Fred his water bottle. He drank it in two gulps. Then he sat back.

"Wow," the man said. "You were thirsty." He started the car again.

"Yeah," said Fred. "I just wandered in the desert for two weeks."

"How did you get there?"

Fred looked at him sideways. "Can I trust you?"

"Sure."

Fred took a breath. "Well. I was in class, and my teacher asked me a question, and It was really easy, but I wasn't really paying attention to it so i answered it wrong, and everyone was laughing at me, so I said a bad word under my breath, and the teacher got super mad for some reason, nd sent me to the principal;s office, and the principal expelled me and sent me home, and my mother disowned me and threw me on the street, and I found a policeman, but he called an angry mob, and I was chased out of the city into the desert, and I wandered for two weeks until you picked me up, and now I'm here."

The man whistled. "Some story kid," he said.

They were entering the next city now.

"Oh by the way," He said, "What bad word did you say?"

Fred narrowed his eyes. "It was purple monkeys, okay? Why is that such a big deal?"

The man stopped his car. "Get out." he said without moving his lips. His hands clenched the steering wheel. There was silence.

The man turned to Fred. There was fire in his eyes. "DID YOU HEAR ME, KID? I SAID GET OUT!"

The door opened. Fred was tossed out onto the pavement. The car skidded away into the city.

"Fine." said Fred. "Fine! I will get out." He turned and resolutely walked into the city.

He walked for a bit, not really sure where he was going, until he came to a river going through the town. There was a little old lady washing her clothes in the river. Fred watched her with interest.

Soon the old lady turned and noticed him. "Why young man," she said slowly. "Where did you come from?"

Fred exhaled. "well." he said. "I was in class and my teacher asked me a question and I wasn't paying attention so I answered it wrong and everyone was laughing so I said a bad word and the teacher got mad and sent me to the pricipal's office and he expelled me and sent me home and my mom disowned me and threw me on the streets and I met a policeman and he called an angry mob and they threw me in he desert and I wandered for two weeks and a man picked me up and drove me here but then threw me out on the street again and I came to the river and now I'm here."

"Oh you poor thing," said the little old lady. "Why don't you come and live with me? Come, let's go to my house." The lady took Fred's hand and led him through the streets.

Fred was surprised. "But...uh...don't you want to know what bad word it was?"

The lady thought. "Oh, no, dearie, I'm sure its not important. Now come, and we'll have some cake."

Fred and the lady walked through the city. However, at the next street, a truck driver sped down the road and ran over both of them, killing them.

The moral of this story is to look both ways before you cross the street.